My journey with the bidet began in 2006 on a trip to Thailand. My best friend and I arrived at Narita International Airport outside Tokyo after a 13+ hour flight. We had a couple of hours before our next leg of the trip to Bangkok. I recall vividly heading to the restrooms after our flight. At this point in my life, I had traveled to Europe and had taken plenty of flights around the US and to Mexico. I never thought of airport restrooms as anything but a public place to do your business.

When I entered this airport restroom, the vibe was different. It felt more like a country club locker room than a public restroom without the lockers. All the toilet stalls had full doors that allowed privacy. When I entered and closed the door, I immediately noticed a futuristic panel attached to the right of the toilet bowl. I am an adventurous person, so I approached this similar to getting on a roller coaster at a theme park - welcome to Jur-Ass-Sit Park. I recall the giddy excitement when I applied pressure by sitting, and a deodorizing fan activated and began a gentle aroma pre-treatment. It made other sounds as well that I would later find out were from pre-misting the toilet bowl to assist in clean disposal. After my business was concluded, I explored the buttons and found the cleansing spray that would be the main function we all associate with bidets. The stream of warm water found the right area immediately. I was surprised, but pleasantly so. I settled into what was my first and profound experience with a Japanese toilet/bidet.

Many of us have seen and perhaps even tried to experience a European bidet. After 44 years on earth, I still find this contraption more antiquated than useful and more confusing than functional. So let me get this right: After you poop, you shuffle across the bathroom, hopefully only a few feet but often much further. Then you straddle the said bidum (aka dumb bidet) because there isn't a toilet seat like you just used on the similar-looking toilet. While straddling in different levels of squat depending on how tall you are or how high the bidet sits off the floor, you turn the knobs to activate the water fountain that hopefully doesn't blast your innards out or shoot you in the eye - OR fill the bidet with water so you can dip your butt? This theoretical experience in cleaning your bottom side seems more ridiculous every time I try to examine the mechanics.

I previously mentioned I had traveled to Europe before my trip to Thailand. I do remember my adventurous self being motivated to use the public bidet in France, perhaps because it was there or because there was no toilet paper - I don't recall. I do recall that it fell so short of a successful venture that I blocked it out of my mind until writing this.

Exploring the southern islands in Thailand, I would further acquaint myself with another version of the bidet. This version I would come to appreciate, also known as the "bum gun.” At that time, I simply knew it as the substitution for toilet paper. Many of the toilets simply had a bowl with no tank attached, unlike what we know toilets to be in the West. There was often a standard spigot nearby and also a sprayer, similar to what we used to have commonly next to our kitchen sink. You would quickly get savvy to the angle and approach of the sprayer. I found this to be a very efficient, yet easily messed up method of bidet. I came to love this, especially in the warm climate of Southeast Asia. The plastic bowl or bucket (or both) held clean water, used to manually flush the toilet. With a few scoops of water down the toilet, it carried the waste with it.

In 2016, after another trip to Southeast Asia, I vowed to always have a bidet wherever I lived. I installed a bidet in my Airstream travel trailer. I installed bidets at the homes of my family members - my mom's, dad's, and brothers' homes. One brother already had a bidet (shout out C&C!). The bidets that I installed were very entry-level. The water was not heated, the toilet seat was still cold, and there was no heated dryer. This method of bidet does not require any electrical hookup, and the greatest features of the modern bidet are not present.

Many years later, one of my best friends sent me a Toto Washlet for my birthday. My partner and I started using this modern bidet and have become devout users. Whenever we travel, we always note how much we miss our bidet at home. Little did I know at the time that this would lead to the creation of bidet.expert - a business that focuses on informed sales and expert installation of modern bidets.